so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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