dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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