I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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