We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
