my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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