I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
