I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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