Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
