apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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