You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
