How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
