Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
