All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
