dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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