Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize