I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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