never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
