My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
