i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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