Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
