Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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