I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I wear drunk well.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
