haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
