Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
