is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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