i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
