What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
