Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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