I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
