So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
