Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
