He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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