haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
