i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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