My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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