Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
