***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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