I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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