if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
