you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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