i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
