Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
