Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
