Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
