Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
