dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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