My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
