Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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