am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
