the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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