So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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