You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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