I just pynch a tree in the face
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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