I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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