Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize