I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
