she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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