So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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