Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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