Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
