Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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