What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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