I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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