you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
