i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Be still, my beating vagina.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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