I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
