i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
