Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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