just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
