whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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