paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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