sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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