wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
