Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
