Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
