Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
