bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
