K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
