saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
