White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
