I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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