TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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