He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
