I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
