pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
