You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
