I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize