Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
