Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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