My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
