Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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