nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
