Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize