Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
