At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
