We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
