i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
