Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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