yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
